


Secret of the Cube

by RocketRabbits



Category: Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, Bein good buddies, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Mix between comic and movie noir, Noir is doing his best all the time, Rubiks cube confusion, Trope Reversal, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-10-13 18:12:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17492768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RocketRabbits/pseuds/RocketRabbits
Summary: Noir's worried he did a lot of damage. Ham isn't used to being the straight man.





	Secret of the Cube

**Author's Note:**

> Wow look at me not writing any of my other WIPs lol,,,,,,,
> 
> Loosely takes place after "Come and Go", inasmuch as i wrote it as a sequel but it doesn't actually have any bearing on this story (if you havent you should go read it tho idk just a thought,,,) 
> 
>  
> 
> Also i love the idea of the literal cartoon character having to be the straight man to a noir detective so heres a man w ptsd doing his best
> 
>  
> 
> No beta, all mistakes are mine.

Noir's entrance is dramatic. In every other dimension they spend time in, Ham has trouble finding him if he isn't in direct eyesight. A benefit in Noir's own dimension, to be certain, but a pain in the ass for friends trying to go out for coffee with him. In a universe the exact opposite from his own, apparently, it's much harder to blend in.

Porker is, admittedly, a little bit startled, the wiggles of his spider-sense interrupted by a gigantic interrobang, but whatever appears, it's the same thing that alerts him: the front door slamming open, followed by footsteps.

Noir senses him too: he'd been hoping, of course, to catch his colleague - his friend - at home, but he doesn't stop rustling around in cabinets and drawers until Ham clears his throat behind him.

"Hey, Petey," he says, leaning against the doorframe in an attempt at nonchalance. If Noir wasn't so tall, they wouldn't have been able to see each other over the table. "Not that this isn't a pleasure and all, but do you wanna explain why you're rummaging around in my home?"

Ham can't quite tell if they're making eye contact. Noir's suit is such that it's almost impossible to tell where he's looking most of the time, so he moves to the table hoping Noir will join him and level the field.

"The mobsters," Noir says, decidedly not joining him to level anything, "in 1934, want this cube." From his pocket, a normal one, probably, one you'd expect to find in less cartoonish universes than this one, he produces the Rubik's cube he'd taken from May. "I was careless and they saw me with it. It's the only thing in our universe with this much colour. I had to hide it."

"Alright," Ham says, "here's an idea, though. Why not just take it back to May's?"

"In Miles' universe? What, and risk those no-good goons tracking it down? Forget it. Who knows what kind of high technology they've got their paws on, I will not put May and Miles in danger again. I can't do that to the kid. I won't leave anyone out to dry like that."

"And what am I, week-old leftovers?"

"Someone I trust to hold his own," Porker fights down the urge to be flattered while Noir continues, "and someone who's entire environment is as loud as this cube."

"Alright Petey, sit down. Your pacing is makin' me woozy. Gimme the cube while you're at it."

Noir does, and even sitting on the damn trench coat doesn't stop it from billowing dramatically behind him. One gloved hand sets the coloured cube on the table. The other pulls his hat from off his head and sets it down beside. 

"What exactly do you think this is?"

"I-"

"The cube, Petey. What is it?"

"I don't know. I didn't figure it out before all this happened. I got Nazis to fight back home."

"Alright, fair. Gimme a guess."

"Harmless? I'd say harmless, but in the wrong hands-"

"It'll still just be stickers."

Noir stops still, and for the first time since he walked in, Ham feels like he's being looked in the eye. "Do you have stickers? What year did they invent stickers?" He tosses the Rubik's cube in the air and picks at it when it falls back into his palm. "It's just a puzzle, big guy."

Ham can't see Noir's face, still, but he imagines the confusion is there. Ham scrapes at one of the colour squares. "It's just plastic, there's nothing to it. Might be weird to you folks, but I don't think there's any danger in people seeing it. I can't speak for the space- time continuum, but I'm not even sure these things are replicable in your universe, without the pigments, so nothing could really change. You're safe, Pete. Everyone's safe."

Ham chooses to imagine there's realization washing across his face, now. "Hey, I got time, you can stay a while. Put on a pot of coffee, make yourself at home." Noir doesn't answer, or even move, really, so Ham keeps going. "I can teach ya colours if you want. I know I promised last time you were upset." Noir, still, doesn't answer. "Can ya say something? This silent thing is about ten times worse than the pacing. Gotta gimme something to work with here, pal."

And, to his credit, Noir kind of does. He laughs, a chuckle that builds into an honest-to-God laugh. Not a loud one, not a deep one, but a laugh all the same. "I was going crazy," he says, "trying to keep that damn thing out of the wrong hands, and it's just plastic?"

"Yeah, you got it! That's an accurate summary of the last five minutes or so."

"It's a toy. I was so worried I'd messed everything up again."

Porker sets the cube back on the table, the little white square only half-peeled. "Things can get scary sometimes, Pete, but not everything is the end of the world."

"I know, no, I know," Noir says, and then sighs, and then takes his goggles and mask off completely. He looks tired, under there. "My carelessness has gotten people killed before. My intentions have, too. I just didn't want anyone hurt."

"I gotcha, big guy." 

Noir picks up the puzzle on the table between them, twisting it around. "So, these two, they're yellow, right?"

The squares he's pointing to are red. "Do you have anything big goin' on in 1934?"

"There's always something big going on."

"Okay. Well, stay here tonight. Rest up and face it tomorrow, yeah?"

Noir meets his eyes, possibly for the first time since they'd met. "Okay." 

"Great. I'll make coffee. And that line of squares you're eyeing now? They're green."

**Author's Note:**

> I love these two so much, send tweet


End file.
